Facing my Giants..

Lately, "facing my giants" have been one of the hardest things for me to do. By "giant," I mean things that are stopping me from getting closer to God. As of right now, I have two giants. My mom and "love", if that means anything anymore. Dealing with my mom is the hardest one. Going through a foreclosure of our house and her broken marriage is braking me. I hate seeing her cry every night to sleep. I hate her husband for damaging her soul. In return her frustration comes out on me. Lately, I've been choosing not to deal with it. Late nights walking aimlessly have been my favorite thing to do. Her words come out without thought and fill my ears with pain. She says she forgives me from my past, but when she's mad, those are the first things she reminds me of. She dislikes the fact of me going to church, but someone has to pray for these people in my house. Maybe she's going through a rough time and it will all be better soon, who knows. The only thing that sets me free is God. Reading His word and talking to him to ease the pain, that's the best. The feeling of unconditional love fills my heart and for a day or so nothing can bring me down. Then there's this thing called "love". I thought I believed in it, I could have sworn it was true. But in the end, his love was fake. That kind of love hold me back. It shelters me from opening my heart to anyone else, even friends. I'm afraid to let people love and to fall for any other man. These's are my battles, my hardships, my giants. All I can do is put it in Gods hands and wait for things to get better on His will, not my own.

Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.
* Marianne Williamson