Worst week ever!

Just about over it all..

I'm not saying that i'm requesting someone perfect.
I just need someone that will make it all worth it..

To write love on her arms

She has known such great pain;

Haunted dreams as a child.

The near constant presence

of Evil ever since. She has felt the touch

of awful naked men, battled depression and

addiction, and attempted suicide.

Her stomach remembers razor blades,

fifty scars that speak of self-inflicted wounds.

Six hours after I met her, she is feeling trapped.

Two groups of "friends" offering opposite ideas.

Everyone is asleep, the sun is rising,

She drinks long from a bottle of liquor.

Takes a razor blade from the table, and

locks herself in the bathroom. She cuts herself.

Using the blade to write "FUCK UP" large,

across her forearm.

Silent Heart

Many out there are unheard voices.

Shattered by their past choices.

Lashing out to those they push away.

Their just so scared on letting

their heart speak on what it has to say.

They pray, yet stay in dismay.

Because life just doesn't seem to go their way.

Days pass by and still nothing's right.

Being happy feels like a harsh fight.

Truth is, somethings just haven't been let go.

Been hurt too many times and left with their heart broken.

But, there's a God who mends a broken heart.

Takes the pieces and makes a lovely piece of art.

You're the apple of His eye,

and He'll dry up every tear you cry.

Lift your life to God and give Him your heart.

Because He have His life for you.

For He is the love that is real.

Crossroads

Standing on the crossroads,

deciding which way to go.

To the left is my way,

and to the right is to the Lord.

My way means humans who are just as imperfect as me.

The Lords way means perfection will walk beside me.

My way is getting knocked down,

having no where to go.

The Lords way is gentle whispers,

assuring you everything will be ok.

It's true that with my way,

a false sense of independence could seem strong.

Whereas the Lords way might take work,

and the road may seem long.

Eventually, though, the fantasy of independence would end,

and I would be needy and all alone.

But, the Lords way means I would have a friend

to take my hand and lead me home.

I notice that even with all my possesions,

my life would always get shaken.

So, I reached for the treasures of Heaven,

and not those of the world.

I know I made the right choice

as I turned onto the right road.

Because, it was at that instant, I felt the Lord take my hand

and release my load.

Misunderstood

Where's the one person when your back is against the wall and no one looking at you understands..?

Can we be a family?

Our broken up family is so disjointed. I feel lost in my own home. I no longer want to be in the presence of my own family. What happened to the happy days? Since when did our families foundation become liquor and weed? Why is the fact that I go to church so hated? I'm trying to gain a better life, but all that's happening is i'm moving farther away from my family. All the pictures hanging on the walls...Happy faces smile back. They seem to say "look what you ruined when you came back" No one knows we're all so broken. Papi drinks himself to sleep every night. Mami wakes up each morning with a hangover and hating her life. It seems as though i've gained a new future and everyone gained my past. I thought God would change my life, but our broken family holds me back. Life is not the same.. I cry myself to sleep at night, wishing for a better life. No one seems to care how eachothers feeling. We just move our seperate ways, I thought we were a family? If love doesn't hurt, than why does this hurt so much? Mom, you said that you forgave me..but why is my past your favorite subject? Papi, you say that you care, but you dont even try to get to know me. Jessica, don't you see my niece and nephew next to you as your smoking your blunt? I hope it's all worth it..because soon it will all disapper.

Greek Mythology
Originally humans were combined of four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces. But Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spending their lives searching for the other half to complete them.

Crushinnn'

I swore i'd never fall again,

but this doesn't even feel like falling.

Gravity can't forget to pull me back to the ground again.

You're the only one that I want.

Save me

Save me from myself Lord;

Save me from my need.

To always control my life Lord.

To control my every deed.

Save me from my pride Lord;

My recent focus on just me.

Help me learn to serve Lord,

Show me how to be.

Save me from the world Lord;

when tempting things entice.

Remind me of eternity,

with You in paradise.

I give my life to You Lord;

my every need You fill.

I'm resting in my faith Lord,

You saved me and always will.

Daddy

Hi daddy,

It's me again.

I have to admit, i've been struggling lately.

You see, i've been struggling with who I am and who I used to be.

My mind is in a tangle

I don't know how to become free.

Free from the lies, the hurt, and the pain.

Life isn't what it used to be.

My heart used to be filled and I never questioned

the destiny you've planned for me.

But, are You still standing next to me?

I rarely feel Your touch,

Daddy, what's happening to me?

My mom never phased me

so why is it that now with every word she says,

my faith is slowly fading?

Daddy, help me to surrender my everything to You.

Give me a stronger backbone to stand up

to those who don't believe in You.

Daddy, help me to hear Your voice in the midnight hours.

Wrap me in Your arms and never let me go.

Show me which direction to go.

Daddy, I promise this time to never let go.

Past

Did you feel like a man when you pushed me around?

Did you feel better as I fell to the ground?

So many lies I told, friends I lost, bruises I recieved.

You broke me down to nothing.

I was afraid to sleep.

I prayed each day I wouldn't wake up.

But, all of that changed and i've had enough.

You think you won, but I stand stronger.

Each bruise you gave me, made me into the person I am today.

As your life has crumbled down, a new life I have found.

Sigh

I've been taught to walk by faith and not by sight.

I've tried with all my might,

but even though its not physical,

at times I have to stop and sigh.

You see, it really isn't easy

people comin' at me like it's them I should be pleasing.

I wasn't called to please the world,

i'm just playing my part in it.

So when you extend your hands out,

i'll simply place my heart in it.

Take it for what it's worth,

take it with all its hurts.

Take me as I am because that's all you're getting.. is me.

Me plus life and everything it has to offer.

Plus God and His grace.

All of this summed up and divided by two.

Lord, I have been divided by You.

Flesh from the spirit and now I stand true.

I stand firm on Your word and Your promises.

And so through prayer i'll cast vision and gain direction;

until the vision comes to pass...

You can hate it or love it.

You can choose not to care.

I won't let you stand in the way of my blessin'

i'm tired of stressin' nonetheless I will keep pressin'

and practicing preserverance.

Walking by faith and not by sight.

Pushin' through with all my might.

Dear Cupid...

Lets talk about your aim...

Something new..

He's my jerk & i'm his punk ;)

This is the start of something new but, i'm not sure if i'm ready. I don't know if I can risk giving my all to someone again. He's different.. He kisses me on my forehead and calls me beautiful. He holds me tight and promises to not let go. He stays on the phone until i fall asleep than quietly says "Sweet dreams baby" It's me who's holding back. I'm afraid to get hurt and afraid to lose him.

He knows I love God and he accepts it but, "it's not for him" I'm afraid a relationship will affect my walk with Christ. He gives me butterflies everytime he's next to me. He makes me smile when I try my hardest to hold it in. I'm not sure of many things..but, i'm crushinnn'. Only time will tell, im waiting patiently..

Look into me...

My trembling smile is no longer real. My eyes disguise the way that I truly feel. Who can I trust when I long for a friend? Who will be there when my world is at end?The honesty is lost in all of their eyes. The tears that I cry are drowning in lies.
Where do I turn when I can't find the light? My reflection is shattered by the darkness of night. I'm left all alone, secrets hidden inside, I want to emerge but, they force me to hide
I'm sick of repetition day after day not knowing whom to trust, being wary of what I say. False friends who I loved for all these years cut me the deepest by causing these tears. I can hear whispers; I feel your stare. But, straight to my face you wouldn't dare. Don't give me a smile when I know it's an act. When I turn my head, don't plan an attack. If I made a mistake why can't you forgive?
I refuse to regret the way that I live. I want to fit in but, what's there to see? Please look past my shell and look into me.