MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Be blessed everyone. May you remember the true meaning of christmas and hold on to the promises of God.

Take my heart...

But please don't break it.

Keep it movin'

I stare at your picture for the last time

to ease my mind, this time I even break down and cry.

I had good reason for leaving you, I was never enough for you.

You had me doubting myself, putting me down.

But, baby i'm gonna keep smiling.

I'm gonna keep it moving'

Cause I don't need you.

I stayed with you so long

that I lost myself.

Now who would have thought that someone so independent

would become so damn submissive.

And sometimes in the back of my mind

i'd be missing you.

but, I will get through this

because I deserve someone better than you.

This heartbreak ends today

and I don't wanna give up on love.

I'll be moving on,

knowing I gave it my all.

I'm gonna keep it moving

Baby, I don't need you anymore.

Beautiful Mess indeed.

I thank God for what He's doing in me right now. I'm beyond pissed off!! I hate when you try and help people and give them words of advice and then they turn on you and stab you in the back. Yes, i'm a Christian.. i'm not stating i'm perfect. Yes, I used to drink and smoke my life away, but i've found love in Jesus and He saved me. Yes, I use to let him beat me everyday, but that's NOT me anymore. Man..I hate when you try and do good and people are so damn naive and continue looking at who you used to be rather than who stands before them NOW. ugh!

I love

Jesus. He's beautiful, understanding, loving, forgiving, strong, compassionate, He's everything. He is enough for me.

My heart, Your home.

Search me through and through until my heart becomes a home for You. Let everything I do open up a door for you to come through, and then my heart will be a place where you'll wanna be. Come and be everything I am and all I know.

Somethin' about the way...

-Old-

I'm not the one that really likes to fall in love and i'm not impressed with all these imitating

thugs, but he walked in the room and all emotions seemed to stop, suddenly he had my heart on lock. He brushes by my shoulder, my heart is getting bolder. I told him what my name was, he said he needed a soldier, so I strapped my camouflage boots tight. Just say the word baby boy and I'm ready to ride. He makes me wanna be a better me. You are my song and i'm your melody. The thing is, i'm not even afraid to get hurt, cause knowin' you all this time makes it worth wild, reminisce, I picture having your first child, my kisses are yours now, i'll always be here to hold you down.

(Chorus)

Somethin' about the way you looked at me, to think for a moment that maybe we were meant to be. (X4)

It was magic in the moment, you had it, i'm on it. My heaven, angel, my homie, my love, my life, and my soul mate. I had destiny written by your side and you can't wait to picture calling me your wife. The minute I took a gaze in those brown eyes, made them profound, I am bound by your love, the way you wear your kind smile. Babe, I wanna sit under your shade until the sun is engaged, this conversation can go on for days. Baby will you please, say you'll be with me. maybe destiny played a hand we can deal with. I can't imagine us being split. I'm the queen you're the king. You're the gift to my ink pen. I'm saying my hearts on your sleeve. I carry yours carefully, beautifully, like a beautiful pink rose. Sealed deal, i'm in love forever for real..

(Chorus)

Somethin' about the way you looked at me, to think for a moment that maybe we were meant to be. (X4)

We're on the phone for four hours and a half. I'm mesmerized and i'm all out of breath. I can't believe i'm lucky enough to share you, finish my sentences, you can't mention him without me turning all shades of pink. And when I stop to think about that day our eyes met, they danced the minute that they caught in contact. I love this feeling, you made me forget about my past, baby my heart's in your hands. I can't begin to speak highly enough of him. I'm the perfect shade compliments to his skin. I shout it loud from a mountain he's my best friend, my angel that God sent. He makes me wanna fly high, but keeps me grounded. My heart is pounding and these butterflies won't let me sleep. Somethin' bout the way that he speaks...

(Chorus)

Somethin' about the way you looked at me, to think for a moment that maybe we were meant to be. (X4)

Facing my Giants..

Lately, "facing my giants" have been one of the hardest things for me to do. By "giant," I mean things that are stopping me from getting closer to God. As of right now, I have two giants. My mom and "love", if that means anything anymore. Dealing with my mom is the hardest one. Going through a foreclosure of our house and her broken marriage is braking me. I hate seeing her cry every night to sleep. I hate her husband for damaging her soul. In return her frustration comes out on me. Lately, I've been choosing not to deal with it. Late nights walking aimlessly have been my favorite thing to do. Her words come out without thought and fill my ears with pain. She says she forgives me from my past, but when she's mad, those are the first things she reminds me of. She dislikes the fact of me going to church, but someone has to pray for these people in my house. Maybe she's going through a rough time and it will all be better soon, who knows. The only thing that sets me free is God. Reading His word and talking to him to ease the pain, that's the best. The feeling of unconditional love fills my heart and for a day or so nothing can bring me down. Then there's this thing called "love". I thought I believed in it, I could have sworn it was true. But in the end, his love was fake. That kind of love hold me back. It shelters me from opening my heart to anyone else, even friends. I'm afraid to let people love and to fall for any other man. These's are my battles, my hardships, my giants. All I can do is put it in Gods hands and wait for things to get better on His will, not my own.

Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.
* Marianne Williamson

My life

(A song, not a poem. Still needs to be revised)

Hebrews chapter 13

verse 8 says Jesus christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

Born and raised in the chi, humboldt park was all I knew.

though, i've changed. I still face the struggle.. all these people gettin killed

the drug dealers getting bills

all these people on the corner cause they be poppin' pills

but this life never appealed to be

even though my nature, a hoe is what they said i'd be.

but in reality

I grew up in the church,

in search of gods purpose for me.

I remember being 6 yrs old in the church, that was back in 97'

people prasin' god til their bodies hit the floor.

I than accepted Christ and shook of my debris

but was spoken to when i turned 180degrees

I left god in my past

went left on Jesus's path

'til he showed me what I passed

Cause...

yesterday, today, and always hes the same so forver

he will reign in my life

he gave me a second chance tho i didnt understand he already had a plann in my life.

yesterday, today, and always hes the same so forver

he will reign in my life

he gave me a second chance tho i didnt understand he already had a plan in my life.

High school came along and my attiude was bitter,

church wasn't a thing that i would even consider.

you see, I was always smart

I tried to remain prudent but I still felt out of place, like a forgein exchange student

many nights I stood up and God knows I shed some tears

so he sent me an angel that would hug me, persevere.

she pointed me toward the light

and told me to follow it

and the wall was full of pride, i was forced to swallow it

I remember that night, November 7th, 2008

rededicated my life.

Heard the knock on my heart, and I opened the door.

Knew the Lord was waiting for me so I welcomed Him in

the shackles and chains have been ripped off my skin

seperated my flesh from my spirit, I was free.

Jesus was my pain reliever, he works better than aleve.

He was beaten and battered, crucified for you and me

He showed me mercy and grace and thats why I believe

that...

yesterday, today, and always hes the same so forever

He will reign in my life.

He gave me a second chance though I didnt understand He already had a plan for my life.

yesterday, today, and always hes the same so forever

He will reign in my life.

He gave me a second chance though I didnt understand He already had a plan for my life.

Now im walken in the front and

theres war against the enemy

I know that God is there for me even when

my faith is the smallest

I cried out to god, let Him please continue testing me

he opened up my eyes

told me seperate the truth from all of the worlds lies

I used to feed off this world now im returning the favor

My life has been turned around I owe it all to my savior

I was down in the dumps

ive been lifted and been gifted

I thank god for everything that Hes done

and I thank him in advance for everything thats to come

I thank him for my mom who planted the seed in me

and I thank him for Emily who walked with me faithfuly

she has helped me excell. Through the church ive grown a ton

I was the seed who was planted,watered, and recieved the son.

and now im starting to sprout

so to the lord I shout..

yesterday, today, and always hes the same so forever

He will reign in my life.

He gave me a second chance though I didnt understand He already had a plan for my life.

If you believe god has a plan for your life, repeat after me

yesterday, today, and always your the same so i want you to reign in my life.

please give me a second chance though i may not understand, God i know you have a plann

for my life.

yesterday, today, and always your the same so i want you to reign in my life

please give me a second chance tho i may not understand God i know you have a plann

for my life.

Let go

As children bring their broken toys,
with tears for parents to mend.
I brought my broken dreams to God
because He is my friend.


But then instead of leaving Him,
in peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help,
with ways that were my own.


Finally, I snatched them back and cried,
"God, how can you be so slow?"


"My child" He said, "What could I do?
how could I mend your dreams,
you never did let go."

Lord, i'm done.

I run and I run, no smiles or no fun. This fight has gotten hard, Jesus, Lord i'm done. Let me not live for me, but open my eyes to see. I've been lost, walking in the shadows of shame, sitting depressed as it's pouring rain. No more letting You down, i'm now turning in my crown. No more pride, I must be humble before I let the world around me continue to crumble. I let my self stumble when I didn't pray. I let myself fall when I didn't open your word. There's nothing left to be said, but i'm done. Let me die to the world. I call to you, fill me again with a fresh spirit. I make this my prayer because no longer can this pain I bear. I lift my hands and here I am. It's no longer my plans. I only walk where you tell me to go and just let the Holy Spirit flow. I'm giving up what made me who I am, but I must remember it was You who placed the objects around me to mold me into what is now a woman. You made me and You created me, therefore You will never forsake me. Devil yet again you tried to make me fall, but I stand up strong, as my God dusts me off. He is with me so nothing can be against me. You were already defeated. You and your demons are heavily depleated. Not enough force to even think of waging war because my Lord and Savior will always knock you under the floor. Because with Jesus by my side, i'm just way too strong. He's my strong tower, my God of all power.

Can you feel it?

Feel the beating in my chest
Lay it to rest
Lay it all on the line
It’s our time to shine.
Get these images out of my mind
Slice the wrist, blood begins to squirt.
Cover up with the long sleeve shirt.
I know it hurts to keep these things hidden inside.
I’ve been there and will stand by your side
But, I'm not the only one
He knows you’ll run
Stop and listen to His words
You know you’re a part of His herd.
A father that loves you more than life
I say it again, put down the knife.

Can you feel it?
Can you feel it?
Can you feel it deep inside?
Can you feel it?
Can you feel it?
The power of He who died.

I wrote this so that you would understand.
Understand that He has a master plan.
He’s seen your pain.
Hear His voice in your brain.
He’s calling you now
He wants to know why you’re broken, how?
Listen to my words, I don’t spit lies.
Cause no matter how hard I try,
I can’t lie about He who came.
Came and took all the blame.
For all the mistakes
That were made by our race.
One Lord above,
Know that He has love.
For every one of us.
Even if you tease and make fun of us.
So let me as you…

Can you feel it?
Can you feel it?
Can you feel it deep inside?
Can you feel it?
Can you feel it?
The power of He who died.

I walk down memory lane because I love running into you..

Beautiful

I was so unique

Now I feel skin deep

I count on the make-up to cover it all

Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention

I thought I could be strong

But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?

I'm dying for new life

I want to be beautiful

Make you stand in awe

Look inside my heart, and be amazed

I want to hear you say

Who I am is quite enough

Just want to be worthy of love

And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me

Fighting to make the mirror happy

Trying to find whatever is missing

Help me back to glory

You make me beautiful

You make me stand in awe

You step inside my heart,

and I am amazed I love to hear You say

Who I am is quite enough

You make me worthy of love and beautiful

Rest In Peace

Joseph Perez
10/09/09 - 11/01/07

When the clouds part and a ray of sun shines through
We look to the sky; and think of you.
You see our tears and feel our ache
We breathe you in with each breath we take

There is no need to miss, what is not gone
For you are right here, where you belong
You are the suns warmth on our face
Guiding us through this dark place

You are the whisper of the wind through the night.
That gentle sparkle in a stars light
You are the colors of the rainbow after a summers rain
Dazzling, vivid colors, nothing could ever tame

You are the elegance found after a first snow
That small, beautiful, blinding glow
You made your own path from the start
And we continue to carry your footprints on our heart

When we stop to think of all we miss
Look around and think of this

Something so special & rare could never fade
& That is how we know you stayed
Because when the clouds part and that ray of sun shines through
We will smile, knowing that glimmer is you.

Worst week ever!

Just about over it all..

I'm not saying that i'm requesting someone perfect.
I just need someone that will make it all worth it..

To write love on her arms

She has known such great pain;

Haunted dreams as a child.

The near constant presence

of Evil ever since. She has felt the touch

of awful naked men, battled depression and

addiction, and attempted suicide.

Her stomach remembers razor blades,

fifty scars that speak of self-inflicted wounds.

Six hours after I met her, she is feeling trapped.

Two groups of "friends" offering opposite ideas.

Everyone is asleep, the sun is rising,

She drinks long from a bottle of liquor.

Takes a razor blade from the table, and

locks herself in the bathroom. She cuts herself.

Using the blade to write "FUCK UP" large,

across her forearm.

Silent Heart

Many out there are unheard voices.

Shattered by their past choices.

Lashing out to those they push away.

Their just so scared on letting

their heart speak on what it has to say.

They pray, yet stay in dismay.

Because life just doesn't seem to go their way.

Days pass by and still nothing's right.

Being happy feels like a harsh fight.

Truth is, somethings just haven't been let go.

Been hurt too many times and left with their heart broken.

But, there's a God who mends a broken heart.

Takes the pieces and makes a lovely piece of art.

You're the apple of His eye,

and He'll dry up every tear you cry.

Lift your life to God and give Him your heart.

Because He have His life for you.

For He is the love that is real.

Crossroads

Standing on the crossroads,

deciding which way to go.

To the left is my way,

and to the right is to the Lord.

My way means humans who are just as imperfect as me.

The Lords way means perfection will walk beside me.

My way is getting knocked down,

having no where to go.

The Lords way is gentle whispers,

assuring you everything will be ok.

It's true that with my way,

a false sense of independence could seem strong.

Whereas the Lords way might take work,

and the road may seem long.

Eventually, though, the fantasy of independence would end,

and I would be needy and all alone.

But, the Lords way means I would have a friend

to take my hand and lead me home.

I notice that even with all my possesions,

my life would always get shaken.

So, I reached for the treasures of Heaven,

and not those of the world.

I know I made the right choice

as I turned onto the right road.

Because, it was at that instant, I felt the Lord take my hand

and release my load.

Misunderstood

Where's the one person when your back is against the wall and no one looking at you understands..?

Can we be a family?

Our broken up family is so disjointed. I feel lost in my own home. I no longer want to be in the presence of my own family. What happened to the happy days? Since when did our families foundation become liquor and weed? Why is the fact that I go to church so hated? I'm trying to gain a better life, but all that's happening is i'm moving farther away from my family. All the pictures hanging on the walls...Happy faces smile back. They seem to say "look what you ruined when you came back" No one knows we're all so broken. Papi drinks himself to sleep every night. Mami wakes up each morning with a hangover and hating her life. It seems as though i've gained a new future and everyone gained my past. I thought God would change my life, but our broken family holds me back. Life is not the same.. I cry myself to sleep at night, wishing for a better life. No one seems to care how eachothers feeling. We just move our seperate ways, I thought we were a family? If love doesn't hurt, than why does this hurt so much? Mom, you said that you forgave me..but why is my past your favorite subject? Papi, you say that you care, but you dont even try to get to know me. Jessica, don't you see my niece and nephew next to you as your smoking your blunt? I hope it's all worth it..because soon it will all disapper.

Greek Mythology
Originally humans were combined of four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces. But Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spending their lives searching for the other half to complete them.

Crushinnn'

I swore i'd never fall again,

but this doesn't even feel like falling.

Gravity can't forget to pull me back to the ground again.

You're the only one that I want.

Save me

Save me from myself Lord;

Save me from my need.

To always control my life Lord.

To control my every deed.

Save me from my pride Lord;

My recent focus on just me.

Help me learn to serve Lord,

Show me how to be.

Save me from the world Lord;

when tempting things entice.

Remind me of eternity,

with You in paradise.

I give my life to You Lord;

my every need You fill.

I'm resting in my faith Lord,

You saved me and always will.

Daddy

Hi daddy,

It's me again.

I have to admit, i've been struggling lately.

You see, i've been struggling with who I am and who I used to be.

My mind is in a tangle

I don't know how to become free.

Free from the lies, the hurt, and the pain.

Life isn't what it used to be.

My heart used to be filled and I never questioned

the destiny you've planned for me.

But, are You still standing next to me?

I rarely feel Your touch,

Daddy, what's happening to me?

My mom never phased me

so why is it that now with every word she says,

my faith is slowly fading?

Daddy, help me to surrender my everything to You.

Give me a stronger backbone to stand up

to those who don't believe in You.

Daddy, help me to hear Your voice in the midnight hours.

Wrap me in Your arms and never let me go.

Show me which direction to go.

Daddy, I promise this time to never let go.

Past

Did you feel like a man when you pushed me around?

Did you feel better as I fell to the ground?

So many lies I told, friends I lost, bruises I recieved.

You broke me down to nothing.

I was afraid to sleep.

I prayed each day I wouldn't wake up.

But, all of that changed and i've had enough.

You think you won, but I stand stronger.

Each bruise you gave me, made me into the person I am today.

As your life has crumbled down, a new life I have found.

Sigh

I've been taught to walk by faith and not by sight.

I've tried with all my might,

but even though its not physical,

at times I have to stop and sigh.

You see, it really isn't easy

people comin' at me like it's them I should be pleasing.

I wasn't called to please the world,

i'm just playing my part in it.

So when you extend your hands out,

i'll simply place my heart in it.

Take it for what it's worth,

take it with all its hurts.

Take me as I am because that's all you're getting.. is me.

Me plus life and everything it has to offer.

Plus God and His grace.

All of this summed up and divided by two.

Lord, I have been divided by You.

Flesh from the spirit and now I stand true.

I stand firm on Your word and Your promises.

And so through prayer i'll cast vision and gain direction;

until the vision comes to pass...

You can hate it or love it.

You can choose not to care.

I won't let you stand in the way of my blessin'

i'm tired of stressin' nonetheless I will keep pressin'

and practicing preserverance.

Walking by faith and not by sight.

Pushin' through with all my might.

Dear Cupid...

Lets talk about your aim...

Something new..

He's my jerk & i'm his punk ;)

This is the start of something new but, i'm not sure if i'm ready. I don't know if I can risk giving my all to someone again. He's different.. He kisses me on my forehead and calls me beautiful. He holds me tight and promises to not let go. He stays on the phone until i fall asleep than quietly says "Sweet dreams baby" It's me who's holding back. I'm afraid to get hurt and afraid to lose him.

He knows I love God and he accepts it but, "it's not for him" I'm afraid a relationship will affect my walk with Christ. He gives me butterflies everytime he's next to me. He makes me smile when I try my hardest to hold it in. I'm not sure of many things..but, i'm crushinnn'. Only time will tell, im waiting patiently..

Look into me...

My trembling smile is no longer real. My eyes disguise the way that I truly feel. Who can I trust when I long for a friend? Who will be there when my world is at end?The honesty is lost in all of their eyes. The tears that I cry are drowning in lies.
Where do I turn when I can't find the light? My reflection is shattered by the darkness of night. I'm left all alone, secrets hidden inside, I want to emerge but, they force me to hide
I'm sick of repetition day after day not knowing whom to trust, being wary of what I say. False friends who I loved for all these years cut me the deepest by causing these tears. I can hear whispers; I feel your stare. But, straight to my face you wouldn't dare. Don't give me a smile when I know it's an act. When I turn my head, don't plan an attack. If I made a mistake why can't you forgive?
I refuse to regret the way that I live. I want to fit in but, what's there to see? Please look past my shell and look into me.